I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
