Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I need a beard to bite.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
