Soap is not a condiment
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
