Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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