She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
