2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
