Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
