farters have to be the big spoon...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
