I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
