So drunk, too bad you don't want this
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
