So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
