My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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