i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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