Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
