I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
