So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
