Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
