Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
