R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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