never play flip cup with pint glasses
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
