I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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