How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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