FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
