i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
