fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have demons in me.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
