My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
