the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
