so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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