I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
