I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
