She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
