maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
splinters make it hard to masturbate
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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