i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize