And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
