Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
