i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize