its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
