so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
