but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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