How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize