I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
