Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
