I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize