In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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