in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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