Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
