you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I cut my penus on the lid.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
