11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just high enough for therapy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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