It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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