Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
