I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
