I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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