My nipple is on Facebook.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
