I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
