I'm so fucking centered right now
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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