Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
