I'm jealous of your bromance
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I currently don't understand fingers.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
