the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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