Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
