You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
