hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
