My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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