It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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