the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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