Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
